drinkme.

this weekend i made maple glazed walbuts and finished the first season of skins and watched fritz lang films and definatly did not study for science and listened to tunng and flosstradamus sigur ros remixes and splashed boiling water on my arms unintentionally.

i am getting quite good at driving.
it is alot of fun.

i was reading through old journals and came across this:

at yale i saw a poem written on old (parchment?) paper encolsed in a plastic ziploc bag floating in a stopped fountain. about 10% of the pennies were still shining. i dont remember the words of the poem. it was a love poem? i didn't stop to read it.


i wish i stopped to read it.

Athazagoraphobia:

Fear of Forgetting or Being Forgotten.


i can't bear to think of having my memories grow dim, faces fade, moments lost.


happy new year
( resolutions )

wow, what an amazing weekend.


yesterday i got up at 6 in the morning and went to my school to determine the future of small children.

saw chris at jazz rehersal, couldn't even hug him because he is very sick. the downside to this weekend.

went to a christmas party where i saw my very good friends who i only get to see a few times a year. i hooked up with one of them last may, but we never got to see each other so i moved on.
It was not awkward until he asked me, alone, so... whats this new guy? hes my boyfriend... sorry. ...yeah its alright. its just i really never got to see you... you know? yeah i know. well, that means youre free now too, hm? haha yeah.

we looked at each other for a while, each trying to communicate something that could not be said to the other.
but then i turned and walked up the stairs.

my mom suprised me by telling me that i could go to a party with some of my friends from camp even though i didnt think i would be able to get a ride. so i show up to the shock of my friends at a casual party wearing a long red dress and 4 inch heels and all my friends shout out loud and jake grabs me in a hug and runs around the room with me shouting GABY OH MY GOD HOW DID YOU GET HERE NONE OF YOU CAN HAVE HER I'M HIDING HER YOUR THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. and there were people from my school whispering is that gaby?

this morning
my sister runs into the room waking me up shouting gaby gaby anna-liisa's coming up from san diego!!! and i jump out of my bed and get ready and now shes spending all day with us and i love to hear her laugh.

this evening im performing jazz.

yesterday i opened aol.com
and the top news story was about 9 firefighters killed in a roof collapse.
i skim this title and the following words.
somewhere in my mind this registers as tragic, but i am not completely focused.
the news story switches
and this time it is about how paris hilton is faring in jail.
i click on this.

i must admit i feel a bit guilty about this later.


in the evening we go to the westside pavillion to look for shorts.
we enter express where they are hosting a 60% off sale
they have large yellow boxes overflowing with identical shorts and cheaply made t-shirts, most likely slave labor.
the people in the store are pawing through the boxes like animals, glazed looks on their faces, picking up items to run them through a formula in their head; how often they will wear it, quality of the piece, price, how much they really want it versus how much they want it because it is on sale, all being proccessed at incredible speeds to finally conclude if it should be tried on. if the formula is negative, the glazed eyes hungrily move on to the next item.
i have never really seen how quickly people in this situation move, their hands assesing, their brains proccessing.
but one common goal is glaring:

consume.

i suddenly feel sick to my stomach.


my mom entertains me by telling me of a scene in Night of the Living Dead
where all the zombies enter the mall, as it is a place that was very important to them during life.
they grab shopping bags, rip clothes off racks, fall over glass tables, shatter displays and generally zombie around.
i ask
wait, remind me again how this is different from every day life?

she laughs.

i love la.
i really do.
i just realized it today when i was driving along PCH listening to under the bridge
and i just thuoght about how much i agreed with it.
its just.... so amazing. i dont know how to put it into words.


my mom on the other hand
would beg to differ.
she comes home after sitting in traffic
yelling, agitated
i HATE it here i CANT STAND living in this city for one moment longer
i cant BELIEVE i still havnt gotten out of this godforsaken city.
one lifetime here can drive you crazy.

i aquired a notebook
finally


i've taken to writing pages and pages about my day in it every night before i go to bed, and i dont ever reread what i wrote. i just close the book and go to sleep.
it really just makes me undeniably happy. like, it gives me something to be excited about. i just ramble on about whatever's on my mind at the time.
its quite refreshing.

i made a sort of pact with myself.
i am not going to read anything i wrote in that journal until the end of the summer
then see how much i have changed.

its distant thus dark one that the place cuts,
where the Skalpell came to me vacant hochrote to the sea
and is necessary to melt the regulation of the fame is surprised thus now,
if its time it white has come that is the only one.

there is so much sweet stuff in my house
because we have cake from my party
and two huge tubs of ice cream
and my mom brought over a slice of cake and a cupcake from the neighbors party
and my friend gave me a HUUUGEE box of sees candy for my bday
im drowning here.


i think i might have a cavity. my tooth felt all wierd and kind of painful when i bit into a sees candy
and when i looked at it there was a little indentation in my tooth.
i hate dentists =[[[[

1. Pick six songs that most people will know.
2. Select lyrics of up to but not surpassing 150 words from each one.
3. Go to http://babelfish.altavista.com/tr
4. Enter the lyrics thus:

English to German
German to French
French to Portuguese
Portuguese to English

5. Post the resultant gobbledegook and see if people can figure out what the songs are.



1.Try, it to see I must have on lazeres, until cannot continue my way? While it sees it it your way, it makes to run the danger it to know that our love can have IDO early.

2.here the mass of the intruders, comes is us the parachute hunters stampeed of the shooting pontiagudo and verfluchen voodoo

3. Mass between provoking us, in low. The easy assignment that dislocates e, house that nominates

4.Somewhere on the rain elbows a way height is a country here, that I considered a time in a Lullaby

5. èmes to appear oily markings on the walls, in the which pleasures had hung moments before the taking, the vast insensibilidade of this life of style

6.Do I presses them? Repulses I it with mine queasy to smile? he is too much dirty? is too much flirty? I want, that it wants?

finals start tomarrow.
deathhhh.
good side: NO MORE EHRLICH. EVER. GAHHHH.


summer is sooo close i can smell its balmy nights
its driving me slowly crazy


yearbooks came out yesterday
they're HUGE
think 2 inches thick and 12 X 9
i like signing them... i need more signatures definatly.

we had a barbeque tonight
it actually turned out alot bigger than i thought it would be
but it was fun overall


not much else to say
except that i really want the noisettes cd
and feist- the reminder

i feel like im missing out on something
i dont know what though
like the feeling of teenage life
for some reason its almost as if life is going by too fast for me to really get all that i can out of it
you always hear that your teenage years are the best
and all these things that your supposed to do
but im not doing any of those things....



i want someone to walk me home
which isnt likely since i live on a mountain.
i want to ride on someones handlebars and go out to the intercity for a day with my manual camera.
i want to go to more local concerts



i hate my school sometimes.
the people arent genuine... and as much as i love my friends
i dont have real conversations with them
emotionally i mean i do
but intellectually their not interested in what i have to say.
also,
they pile on hours of homework every night and create massivly hard tests
i am crippled by my workload... i cant go out and enjoy life.

finals in 7 school days.



SAT 2 in two weeks.


and what am i doing?
livejournaling.

i need more lj friends. i have 3.




where do you find them?

grandparents from pensylvania are here.

were cooking dinner
steam from the food is fogging the windows
making it seem like it should be snowing outside.

i have a concert tonight in which i am playing ONE song. its the "instrumental music extraveganza!"
aka
kill me now.

happy birthday jennifer.
for the record its not my locker/ i didnt decorate it.


but its hilarious anyways.

photo credit: eli

ugh.
history research paper is corroding my brain...
i really cant rememeber if botticelli was apprenticed by verroccio or medici
and really
i dont care.



tomarrow is mothers day and im not sure what im going to do....
i dont even have a card
not good


last time my mom felt unapreciated she yelled at me for "laughing at her" when really i was sitting there with a look of horror at her actions
and then scoffed at me saying "oh look... shes happy becuase now she has something to go tell her friends tomarrow at school."

that was about the point that I broke down
and she got in the car and drove away.

a woman holding a clipboard gets into the elvator with me
and as soon as she has pushed the button of her floor she impatiently presses the close door button
as she cannot stand to wait one second more
becuase she will be delayed.

society?
no

prison.

rest in peace, elliott smith.
1969-2003


everyone listen to kings crossing.